segunda-feira, 27 de janeiro de 2014

Razões porque Deus nunca poderia obter uma bolsa da FCT

Brincadeira, ao que parece, americana, que corre na internet e que capta muitíssimo bem a orientação rígida e de sentido único daquilo que se entende por "excelência" científica. A versão em português caiu-me na caixa de correio, a versão em inglês foi-nos enviada, em comentário, pelo leitor Onésimo Teotónio Almeida.

1. Ele só tem uma publicação;
2. Esta publicação não foi escrita em inglês, e sim em hebraico;
3. A referida publicação não contém referências bibliográficas;
4. Não tem publicações em revistas indexadas, ou com comissão editorial, ou ainda com pareceristas;
5. Há quem duvide que sua publicação tenha sido escrita por ele mesmo. Em um exame rápido, nota-se a mão de, pelo menos, 11 colaboradores;
6. Talvez tenha criado o mundo. Mas o que tem feito, ou publicado, desde então?
7. Dedicou pouco tempo ao trabalho (apenas 6 dias seguidos);
8. A comunidade científica tem muita dificuldade em reproduzir Seus resultados;
9. Nunca pediu autorização aos Comitês de Ética para trabalhar com seres humanos;
10. Expulsou os Seus dois primeiros orientandos por aprenderem muito;
11. Não fez proficiência em inglês;
12. Não teve aulas e nem fez mestrado com PhDeuses;
13. Não existe comprovação de participação Sua como peer-reviewer nem publicação de artigos no exterior.

26 Reasons Why God Never Received Tenure At The University

1. He had only one major publication.
2. And it was in Hebrew.
3. He stated all his results without proofs.
4. And it had no references.
5. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal.
6. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
7. And some even doubt He wrote it himself.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
17. He made his graduate student (Mohd/Jesus) do all the work but did not list him as co-author.
18. He also never explained why some graduate students, with low GRE scores, were working for him in the first place.
19. He never presented his own results, let his graduate students do all the presentations.
20. His data on creation of world in 7 days has been questioned.
21. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he published/done since?
22. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
23. He never wrote a grant proposal.
24. His research, not matter how useful, was never approved.
25. He never replied to mail, phone calls, emails, etc when other researchers wanted technical data from him. He never fully explained his reasons for letting Dan Quayle to be born.

5 comentários:

  1. Este comentário foi removido por um administrador do blogue.

    ResponderEliminar
  2. Contudo, é um génio.

    ResponderEliminar
  3. Mais um exemplo de tradução/adaptação de humor americano.
    Aí vai uma versão alargada pela colaboração de muita gente, a partir da ideia original.

    onésimo


    26 Reasons Why God Never Received Tenure At The University

    1. He had only one major publication.
    2. And it was in Hebrew.
    3. He stated all his results without proofs.
    4. And it had no references.
    5. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal.
    6. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
    7. And some even doubt He wrote it himself.
    8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
    9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
    10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
    11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
    12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
    13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
    14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
    15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
    16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
    17. He made his graduate student (Mohd/Jesus) do all the work but did not list him as co-author.
    18. He also never explained why some graduate students, with low GRE scores, were working for him in the first place.
    19. He never presented his own results, let his graduate students do all the presentations.
    20. His data on creation of world in 7 days has been questioned.
    21. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he published/done since?
    22. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
    23. He never wrote a grant proposal.
    24. His research, not matter how useful, was never approved.
    25. He never replied to mail, phone calls, emails, etc when other researchers wanted technical data from him.
    He never fully explained his reasons for letting Dan Quayle to be born.

    ResponderEliminar
  4. Os muçulmanos ocuparam a Península Ibérica durante 500 anos.
    Não nos deixaram a burka física, é verdade, mas deixaram-nos uma burka mental que floresceu em dadas circunstâncias: como agora..
    http://videos.sapo.pt/EfSfUWF4yUGibmLa3Oeu
    Por sua vez, Maria da Graça Carvalho, numa entrevista no último Expresso, tem uma posição completamente contraria a estes talibãs.
    Mas eles é que determinam a agenda política.

    ResponderEliminar

1) Identifique-se com o seu verdadeiro nome.
2) Seja respeitoso e cordial, ainda que crítico. Argumente e pense com profundidade e seriedade e não como quem "manda bocas".
3) São bem-vindas objecções, correcções factuais, contra-exemplos e discordâncias.